Positive Self-Talk: Transforming Your Inner Dialogue for a Better Life
Humans are constantly engaged in an internal dialogue, yet many of us fail to evaluate the quality of our self-talk. This often results in ineffective and unhelpful communication with ourselves. However, by actively seeking to improve our self-talk, we can directly enhance both our personal and professional performances, leading to more fulfilling experiences in life.
Our internal dialogue extends beyond fleeting thoughts, offering valuable insights into our beliefs and self-perception, as well as our views of others and the world around us. Furthermore, the way we speak to ourselves has a profound impact on our physiology, confidence, interpersonal relationships, and well-being. Unfortunately, many of us are tuned out to the influence of our self-talk on our personal and professional lives, prompting the question: Is it not time we become more attuned to it?
The Problems with Negative Self-Talk
Our thoughts and beliefs can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you tell yourself, “I can’t do this,” it’s unlikely that you will put forth the levels of effort and dedication needed to get the results you are aiming for. In turn, poor results and failure confirm your initial thoughts: “See, I knew I couldn’t do it!” Ineffective thinking and self-talk can become repetitive and patterned, making it difficult to challenge them in the heat of the moment.
Ineffective self-talk tends to be associated with adverse internal (e.g., higher anxiety) and external (e.g., lower-quality performances) outcomes that make it difficult to thrive and excel at work. Many of us are overly critical of ourselves. While self-reflection and maintaining high standards are often helpful and healthy practices, we can go overboard and unfairly punish ourselves verbally when things don’t go well or as planned.
How Did We Get Here?
When we doubt our capabilities, it’s natural for our thoughts and internal speech to reflect this belief. Unfortunately, ineffective internal dialogue can easily spiral downward, even when there is no evidence or rationale for our (degree of) doubt. Since self-talk is done internally, it often remains hidden from others who could challenge our views and provide an alternative perspective.
Benefits of Effective Self-Talk
Research has found several benefits associated with effective self-talk, including:
- Increased confidence and self-esteem
- Improved performance outcomes and results
- Better ability to cope with emotions and mental stress
- Increased optimism and resilience
- Higher levels of motivation and engagement
- Less performance anxiety
- Increased fun and satisfaction
Strategies to Combat Negative Self-Talk
Strategy #1: Inspect Your Thoughts
Our words are powerful. Too often we aren’t even aware of our words, failing to harness the power they hold. At strategic times throughout your day (e.g., before/after meetings, after receiving feedback, analyzing data), stop and assess if your thoughts fall into any of the following distorted patterns:
- All-or-nothing thinking: Viewing a situation in extreme terms (e.g., “If they cancel this project, then none of my work here matters.”)
- Catastrophizing: Jumping to the worst-case scenario (e.g., “He says he has difficult news; I bet we’re all going to get fired!”)
- Overgeneralizing: Taking an isolated experience and generalizing it too broadly (e.g., “They never take me seriously.”)
- Labeling: Branding ourselves with unfair characterizations (e.g., “I’m so incompetent and don’t deserve this job.”)
Strategy #2: Become a Coach
When dialoguing with others, we often take a coaching approach that provides them with support and helpful feedback. However, when we talk to ourselves, we often become our harshest critics. Shifting our self-talk to be more constructive and future-focused can lead to more optimal outcomes and less job strain.
Where to start:
- Use second- or third-person perspective: Replace “me/my/myself/I” with “you/your/your name.”
- Speak in terms of growth and development: Ask yourself if your self-talk helps you move closer to your goals. If not, reword your message.
- Reject being a Pollyanna: Effective self-talk aims to support where we’re going and how we’re going to get there.
Strategy #3: Build on What’s Right
It’s natural for our thoughts to turn to the negative and what’s going wrong. However, effective self-talk builds on our wins and what’s going right. This can enhance our self-image and confidence, elevating our work output and increasing professional opportunities.
Where to start:
- Relish compliments: Trust and savor the praise and acknowledgment from others.
- Clean the lens: Revamp your self-talk to see life more clearly through intentional daily practices.
Practical Exercises for Positive Self-Talk
One of the most critical avenues we use in therapy with those suffering from depression is to identify the source of negative messages and work to intentionally “overwrite” them. For example, if a person learned as a child they were worthless, we show them how truly special they are.
Exercise: Overwrite Negative Messages
- Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind that undermine your ability to overcome your depression. Be specific and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
- Counteract those negative messages with positive truths in your life. Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly. For every negative message, there is a positive truth that will override the weight of despair.
Tips for Improving Self-Talk
- Keep a gratitude journal: Write down five things you’re grateful for each day.
- Don’t compare yourself to others: Reaffirm how awesome you are, independent of others.
- Use positive affirmations: Post notes around your house with affirmations.
- Surround yourself with positive people: Be with people who practice positive self-talk.
- Set and write down your targets: Put your targets on paper to make them real and easier to stick to.
- Exercise: Exercising raises endorphins, increasing a sense of well-being.
- Volunteer and help others: Helping others can help you see how much you matter.
- Visualize success: Visualize what you want to achieve and how you’ll achieve it.
Conclusion
Positive self-talk is not self-deception. It’s about recognizing the truth in situations and in yourself. When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or keep moving forward. By choosing to flip the script, you’ll be on your way to correcting your negative thoughts and transforming your life.
Positive self-talk changes lives. From correcting negative thoughts to coping during difficult times, practicing positive self-talk can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Start today and experience the power of positive self-talk.
